Luke 9:26-38
Last week, we, United Methodists, climbed up a huge mountain, called the Special General Conference. We went up this mountain together as one body, but when we came down, unfortunately, we decided to take different ways. The delegates voted to toughen its teachings against homosexuality, same-sex marriage, and LGBTQ clergy. My heart is broken because this Special Session of the General Conference was supposed to lead our divided church on a path forward, but instead we took a giant step backward. The implications of this decision are not yet clear.
Our Bishop Thomas Bickerton has called for a Special Session of NYAC on March 16th for the purpose of reviewing and discussing the implications. There is much work ahead and I just realized that our climb is not ended yet. We are still climbing up a steep mountain. I don’t know exactly what lies ahead of us, but what I DO know is that we are not alone in this journey. Sometimes, we may feel the ABSENCE of God but as John Wesley said on his dying bed, “The best of all is God is with us.” I believe that God has his/her own plan for us, as God did for me many years ago.
There was a time when I felt that God had left me; God had no plan for my life. I was even doubtful of my own calling. I believed that I was CALLED by God into ministry, but I wondered if that was a misunderstanding. Yes, there was a time when I was lost, because I lost my God and all hope. Today, I want to share my personal story.
Today’s Gospel lesson is the transfiguration story. There are many sacred texts that speak of mountains as holy spaces where one might encounter the living God. Yes, the Bible portrays mountains as settings for God’s self-disclosure. Moses receives the Law and looks upon the Lord on Mount Sinai. On Mount Horeb, Elijah communes with God in a mysterious silence. And in our lesson today, Peter, James and John see Jesus in the fullness of his divine glory at the mountaintop. Mountaintops are special and sacred places in which discernment sharpens and contemplative visions crystallize.
Now, I’ve climbed mountains of varying heights and degrees of difficulty before, and I have to say that there’s more to it than these texts suggest. I mean, the Scripture hardly describe the process of climbing up the mountain itself. But you have to climb up there first to have an epiphany moment, or a mountaintop experience, right? If we think of the mountain as a metaphor for the human encounter with God, climbing up the mountain itself, I believe, is a worthy metaphor for the human approach to God and our life journey…, the journey of human life and/or human faith… at least the kinds of life and faith journeys many of us have experienced.
So, today, instead of talking about the mountaintop experience itself, a profound experience of holiness and mystery and glory, I want to focus on the climb, the ascent, as a way of talking about our approach to the experience of God and life.
One of the mountains that I had to climb was finishing my Ph.D dissertation. I came to the States in 1989 as an international student. My goal was to earn the degree as soon as possible and go back to my home country and teach at a seminary. But, in 1993, I lost my first wife in a car accident. Yes, since then, I had been on a steep uphill road for some time. I felt great pain and despair. I wondered how I could go on. Life did not seem worth living. It was a time of great anxiety and darkness. I never felt so lost and all alone. It had been the longest and darkness days I’ve ever had in my life. I barely passed the comprehensive exam in 1995, and began my first parish ministry, because I had to support my own study. I never knew how difficult it was to write sermons and thesis at the same time.
One day, my guiding professor, the late Dr. Karen Brown, called me and asked me to come to her office. So, I sat down with her first time in years. She said “Gye Ho, I am concerned about you.” She used to say, “Gye Ho, take a good care of yourself. I know what you are going though. Take your time.” But, now she concerned about me, because I did not make any progress in writing thesis. As you know, in academic world, your guiding professor is like a God whose judgment is final. She held the key of life and death of my academic life.
I tried and tried to make any progress, but it was so hard because I was not a full time student; I was serving a small church in Vail’s Gate, NY and I had to prepare a sermon every week. I had to see a doctor once in a while because I was too much stressed out. I had symptoms of short breath, dizziness, irregular heartbeat, numbness on my face, and uncontrollable muscle movement, especially on my face. The doctor said, “It’s stress. Relax and have some fun.” I had spent 5 years writing my dissertation and defend it in October 1999. I was just glad to finish my study before a new millennium began. It was one of the longest mountain trails I have ever climbed; it took 10 years.
But it was worth the climb, because I felt God’s guiding hands and encouraging presence every time I wanted to give up. God said, “Gye Ho, don’t give up. I am here to help. Keep moving…, moving forward. Let’s go!” So, I kept moving… just one step at a time. On this long mountain trail, I met the living God AGAIN whom I had met years ago. As I said earlier, at one point, I was doubtful of my own calling, but God affirmed my calling once AGAIN with his/her healing and guiding presence. I cannot share all the detailed stories today. Of course, God was there when I reached the summit. But, he was there with me also when I was climbing up and climbing down as well. Because of this experience, I believe, I am a better person now…, hopefully, a better pastor as well. Because of this experience, I am more thankful for God and for my life than ever before.
Friends, I don’t know what kind of trails you are on right now, but I can say this: it is worth the climb as long as God is there with you. No matter how difficult it is, make it a spiritual journey for youself. Then, it is worth the climb of that I am absolutely convinced. It is worth the climb. Don’t give up.
As you know, I am still climbing. Nowadays, I am climbing the mountain of grief once again and a NEW mountain of raising children as a single parent. It’s been four years and I never knew how hard it would be. It is true that there is enormous joy. But, most of the times, you need patience, endurance, and deep faith that everything will turn out to be alright. So far, this mountain trail has made me more humble and more thankful. Again and again, it helps me realize I need help: there is no way I can’t raise my children all by myself. I need God’s help, guiding them and watching over them. I also need support from the village, you know.
It is West African wisdom saying that “it takes a village to raise a child.” Hilary Clinton wrote a book about it many years ago. I read this book when my children were toddlers. At that time, I think, I agreed with my head. But now, as a single parent, I can’t agree any more with my whole heart. Yes, I need help from uncles and aunts. I need loving care from grandparents. I need support from neighbors.
I am so grateful that my children have many supporting families not just families in California, but in every town where I served as a pastor. They have “Woodstock grandpa, Kund,” and “Woodstock gandma, Gladys.” They also have “Woodstock uncle, Jim,” and “Woodstock aunt, Linda.” They drove almost three hours to come and see us and said, “You can come and visit us any time you want.”
Last winter, Elizabeth couldn’t go to school for two days because she was sick. Knowing that Elizabeth was not doing well, her piano teacher and a close friend of mine cooked a wonderful Korean dish for us and even delivered the food to my house. I was not home at that time. Later, she sent me a text: “I hope you enjoy this dish. One of the main ingredients is my prayer.” She has been a loving aunt to my kids. I am so thankful for her and many other uncles and aunts and good neighbors from our faith community. Every time I receive love, practical help, and support from the village, I become a more humble person. And it helps me to become a more thankful person. For these reasons, I will say it again: It is worth the climb. Absolutely!
When we are young, our lives may seem most of the time like level paths, smooth-going with scarcely a tree root or an icy patch to trip us up. But as we grow older, reaching our destination, sometimes, even our survival is in question. We may find it easy to ignore God in the flatlands where everything is smooth and we are betrayed by our own progress into illusions of self-sufficiency. When the path gets steep and treacherous, in anxiety and fear we are more likely to cry out to God.
Through my own experience, I have learned that you don’t have to reach the summit to catch a glimpse of grace and even glory. Even on the way to climb up, even on the arduous trail, we may experience profound gratitude. I can’t say for certain how long it takes to reach the summit. If the summit means becoming 18 years old, I have 2 more years to climb because Elizabeth is now 16. If it means first job…, well, I don’t know how long it will take. I only know that it is worth the climb, and that at the end of the path I may well see with both Jonathan and Elizabeth how God has been with us and how grateful we are. On that mountaintop, we will praise the Lord as loud as we can.
There is so much to learn and understand about our limits, so much to grasp about proper discipline and preparation, and so much strength needed beyond our own perceived strength if we are ever to continue our journey to mountaintop. Yes, life is a mountain steep indeed and difficult to climb. And some days the ascent is treacherous and demanding, and I find myself more than a bit shaky and frightfully short of breath. But, after all of that, I know, it is worth the climb, my friends. It is worth the climb. So, my brothers and sisters in Christ, let’s keep climbing. Let’s go together, one step at a time, encouraging one another and helping each other out. May God go the journey with us! Amen.
